Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Bored With Tea.

So bored waiting to go abroad. I took photos of my tea experience this afternoon.

Cooling it off.

Looking elegant.

Talking to Mom.

Playing with Sister.

Spilling it everywhere!!!

Cleaning it up. My bad.

Peace and Love.

A Little History Prior To My Departure.

I'm free. I'm free. I'm free.

I am so happy to be free of those burdensome emotions. I was worried that after seeing him this weekend it would tear open old wounds and I wouldn't be able to go to Australia fully content; I would have lingering "what if" feelings. In some ways, I suppose those old wounds were torn open, but from a different (and painful) perspective.

I found out the sorry lad was cheating on me the whole time I was with him. Ouch? (I suppose that you could have deduced this from the prior post). The good news is: I'm not with him. Nor will I ever be again (Thank God). I've learned that when someone cheats on you, they don't get second chances, because if you weren't good enough for them in the first place, then they shouldn't have a chance to break your heart all over again.

Now the part that is hard for me to wrap my mind and heart around is that God still loves him. I'm glad he does because I feel quite the opposite. I've been fighting myself back and fourth for the past few days. How do I show him that I am mad without stepping out of line? Do I let him know at all?

Well, I certainly made it clear this past weekend, and I can't lie and say that I don't feel at all bad about the situation. I can't say that I haven't at all searched for vindication in retaliation of the hurtful information that I gained this week. Honestly, I thought what I had with "you-know-who" was real when it was happening, to find out that it was all just a well played game (where I was just a pawn) doesn't sit so well.

I guess he thinks I'm the worst person to walk the planet. Well, I'm certainly not the best but tomorrow is a new day and we can all make new decisions. I am going to choose to just walk away from the situation. I'm just going to let it go and give myself time away from him (so that I don't get carried away and do something I'll regret).

I hope that I can calm myself down one of these days and be able to forgive him completely for everything he made me feel. I know that's what God would want me to do. I've told him I forgive him for things that I don't even know if he's sorry for, but I've found myself wrestling with the truth of that statement. That's why I think this semester away will be good. It will give me time to forget about all of it.

I can be distracted and just let it all go; flush it down the toilet never to surface again (like a dead goldfish).

I know this is supposed to be a travel blog now, but I believe that this is something that you all need to know about me before I head of in a little under a week. You have to know a little about who I am, to understand how I will perceive the world around me and my future travels and discoveries. Perhaps you didn't want to know all of the stupid info I just spilled, but you're reading my blog so, I assume you do.

This semester is a documentation of my growth in exploring new countries, exploring my inner self, and discovering how to let go of my selfishness and open my heart to the plan God has for me.

On my ride home from school today, I saw a rainbow in the sky. I know what it meant for Noah, and I think it means something similar for me. God knows what we've all gone through. He won't put us through anything we can't handle.

Peace and Love

Sunday, August 29, 2010

I Am Not A Fan of Liars.

Here we go...

I hate having to dig up the past, but its currently the present. I came down to campus with a killer awesome attitude. Ready to address the past with dignity and optimism.

That was until the truth came out. I suppose based on past behavior I shouldn't really be surprised to hear about... what I heard about. But that doesn't make the hurt go away. To realize that everything, all of it was a lie... is more heart breaking than having my hopes dashed the first time. I really just can't believe this kind of thing actually happens. People do lie and cheat and have no remorse for it at all.

I'm choosing to just count it as a blessing. I'm so lucky to not be stuck with that mess. But that mess has caused me a lot of trouble and heartache.

I came down in search of complete closure... and I am definitely closed. I wish I could save every other girl in the world from him but that just isn't possible. So, what I'll pray for now is for him to change.

That all being said. I am finally more than ready to get out of the country. Good bye America and good riddance.

Peace and Love.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Harding is Awesome!

Greetings from Searcy!

That's right. I am currently sitting in the room of Bethany Wilson in Sears Dorm. Words just can't capture the happiness I feel when I step onto campus. I keep running into all of these super awesome people!

I know, most Harding students have already gone through the typical "Hey! I missed you! How was summer." scenario, but I am super pumped that I've been having the chance to do it now. There are people I expected to bump into and hug and then there are people that I completely forgot about before they came running up to greet me. Either way I feel so "at home" on campus.

I know that I'm doing the whole "abroad" thing, and I can't complain there; I am really looking forward to the surfing. However, there really feels like there's something special about Searcy, Arkansas. I can't explain it.


It hasn't been a bad summer. It's been, actually, quite good... albeit monotonous. The whole daily routine at home, while inclusive of plenty of sleep, has really gotten old. I've grown to long for the times I never thought I'd ever want to experience again: Late nights in my room painting color swatches for Dr. Clayton, studying for bible classes until I thought my eyes would bleed, and who can forget... easy mac.

Ha ha, I can't believe I think those are good memories now!

So, what's on the agenda for Angela today, you ask? Well, Alyson has her Lingerie shower from 4pm to 6pm. Other than that, I'll be lounging around campus... bumping to people.

Peace and Love

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Okay, Now I'm Excited.

As all of my friends are beginning to move back to school, I'm just beginning to think about packing for Australia. Its becoming more and more real. Yesterday my mom picked me up a couple of things from Eddie Bauer.

The clock thing is really very ingenious. You set the time and then there's a dial on the end that has every time zone on it! You only have to set it once then just crank the dial. Also... its a flashlight. woah.

The bag just looks cool. Mom said it was on sale.

Also, I want to take this opportunity to tell everyone who reads my blog that I am going to try to refrain from posting a bunch of pictures to facebook while I'm over there. I know that occasionally I will add some for extended family but, The majority of pictures will be posted here first! And, they will have stories to go with them. I say this because I want to encourage you to read my blog while I'm over in the southern hemisphere. This blog is really going to turn into a "travel blog" for the next few months. I really hope I sound sort of like Anthony Bourdain, minus all of his snobby tendencies.

I know in recent posts I mentioned that I was not excited for my semester abroad and wanted to go to school... but with encouragement and I suppose a change of heart I feel much MUCH more excited. I am super ready to get on that airplane and head out of the country! wooh. I'm sure I will miss everyone, as I already do right now, but I am coming to harding for a visit the last weekend of August and probably right after I get back to the U.S. This should be sufficient.

In other news. I ate food that, I guess, my body wasn't happy with... and the scales were mad at me today. CURSE YOU CALORIES!!!

Someone give me motivation to get up and exercise.

Peace and Love

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

These Are a Few of My....

Some of my least favorite things:

1. Luke warm coffee.

2. Mosquito bites... especially in embarrassing places.

3. The government NOT sending me my drivers license yet.

4. Parking downtown.

5. Shopping and finding the perfect shirt... only to discover they have it in every size but mine.

6. Sitting next to someone who is chewing and smacking their mouth very loudly.

7. Getting tired before I want to be.

8. Having friends flake out on me for other friends.

9. Reality television

10. Painting my nails and having that ONE fingernail that gets messed up... and no matter how many times I fix it, the paint
smears all over again!!!!

11. Babies that cry when I hold them.

12. Not being able to eat pizza and cinnabon and pancakes whenever I want.

13. Constipation.

14. High School Cheerleaders.

15. People who pick on my little sister. (you know who you are... I will find you).

16. Running out of conditioner before shampoo.

17. The "My Favorite Things" song being used as a christmas song... oh and that ridiculous christmas shoes song.

18. Chicken fat.

19. Drawing someone and having it look nothing like them.

20. Running into people I used to know in high school.

Those are some random things that annoy me. I hope you found them amusing and perhaps can relate to a few. I wrote them because I didn't want to think of anything of substance to write about.

Also, I had a dream last night where I had to shoot jaw breakers at these little evil children, and I was chased around a 7 story antique store by a creepy old man with white hair... weird.

Peace and Love

Monday, August 16, 2010

I'm The Winner

You know what's awesome? Knowing how awesome you are.

Knowing that no one can take away how I feel about myself. No one has the authority to make me feel less than the child of God that I am.

Yeah, I'm weird. But, I'm a happy weirdo. At least I know who I am; do you?

Peace and Love.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

I Need To Get Out Of Here.

No one is posting anything but me anymore. I feel like an internet hermit because of it.

It's sort of a ho-hum day. the sun is covered by a sky full of clouds so the lighting has a very "cold" feel to it. If you know me, you know I hate light that looks cold. I'm considering making some hot tea, because if I drink anymore coffee I may suffer a caffeine O.D.

I'd like to do something like paint, read, or clean my room but the cold-esque light is just depressing me. The only thing I can think to do is just sit here watching the current pre-season colts game. Which, at this point, is just boring. I wish I could be at Harding. I really wish I could be setting up my room and decorating my hall. It depresses me that I can't be there this semester.

I know I should be super excited about going to Australia, and I really am. But I have a hard time thinking about it because I can't stop thinking about school. My friends in Searcy don't flake out like my friends at home. Someone tell me I'm not out of my mind.

Someone tell me that its okay to feel this way and that it will all get better. I don't want to hate being abroad, but I feel like I'm missing out on all of the fun at school... and it hasn't even started yet.

Peace and Love

Saturday, August 14, 2010

And The Countdown Continues.

I've got 12 days until I visit my friends at Harding and 22 days until I leave this hemisphere. WOOOO!!! And only 10 or 11 possible days of work left! I'm so excited to get up and move on!

I'm so excited, that I decided to have a photo shoot.

I can't deny that I'm jealous of everyone moving back into dorms soon. I've always been someone who loves the whole "back to school" thing. I am definitely psyched for Australia... don't get me wrong... but I wish WISH WISH I could be there. I would love to start out as an R.A. for the whole year, because I want to be able to form some solid relationships with those girls. Like a lot of the relationships I had last year with the ladies on my hall.

I guess I'll just have to wait for it. Patience. I'm sure that when I finally get to go back to campus, it will be all the more awesome. Its gonna be so weird. I'm going to be the most wired person on campus because I'll be so excited.

Harding is to Angela what Hogwarts is to Harry Potter

Peace and Love

Friday, August 13, 2010

Segways and Brass

Random Statement of the day: I wish I were involved in some sort of musical production right now.

Here I am sipping my coffee watching Good Morning America. Its a normal summer morning for me and it will probably be a few more minutes before I get all "geared up" and force myself onto the treadmill. The only tragedy this morning is that we're out of liquid creamer, so I'm resorting to the yucky powder version that we've probably had in our house since my grandma passed away (that was eighth grade, if you were curious).

Theres actually quite a bit going on downtown today. They've got this thing called "Drum Core International" where all of these internationally ranked drum cores compete for some kind international title. I think this is a really neat program. The kids practice all the time... practically 24/7. Unfortunately for Segway of Indiana, it means they steal our parking and practice in our front yard. Trying to teach people how to ride segways can be much more difficult with a bunch of brass instruments blaring into our doorway.

But we always manage to get by.

Regardless, I have under two weeks left of working before my monotonous summer comes to an end. I can't lie, I am very excited about this. I love my job; I've been blessed to have worked for the same company for three years now. My co-workers are awesome and I've been getting great hours. However, there always seems to come a time when I just can't keep doing the same thing over and over and over again. Go figure. I am finally ready to move on to the fall. By the time spring rolls by, I'll be ready to work/play on segways again!

I don't really feel like there's much else going on with my life. I'm just loving every day and trying to live it like my last. (except I imagine my last day on earth will probably be a lot less fun. perhaps full of ventilators and I.V.s).

Peace and Love

p.s. Isn't God great?

"The Cave" by: Mumford and Sons

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Prescriptions and More Travel Prep

I met with the travel doctor yesterday. He was a nice man who told me about all of the diseases I could acquire while on my Australian adventure, then he prescribed me a bunch of stuff I can't pronounce. I felt like it was halloween. I just went up to the doctor's office, knocked on the door, said "Sick or Treat!" and was handed a bunch of prescriptions. No complaints there.

After having discussed avoiding: mosquitos, parasites, stray animals, sushi, and salads (yes, I was told by the doctor NOT to eat a salad. Finally I have an excuse), I was escorted into some kind of random testing room. There, I met a friendly nurse with cold hands. She jabbed me with Hepatitis A in one arm, then Typhoid in the other.

Last week I got my Tetanus shot renewed and in about a week, I'm going to have to get my flu shot. By the time I get to Australia I am going to be so drugged up on American pharmaceuticals that I doubt I'll remember my trip at all. I suppose that's why I'm bringing a camera.

Other than my travel preparations... There's not a whole lot going on.

I bought some clothes on Sunday, which brings me to my next question: Do you think if you try on pants and then fart in them, you should buy them? That's just one to ponder.

I went to see "The Other Guys" last night with some friends from church. I thought it was average. Not bad, but not great. However, there are some sincerely funny parts.

Well, I'm going to post some videos that I've been enjoying lately.

This is a video that really shows my excitement for the southern hemisphere AND Flight of the Conchords

The video below is my current theme song. Yes, it is Hanson... and yes, I would like to go to their concert August 24th. listen to the song below and you'll see why.

Peace and Love! Have a wonderful day!

Monday, August 9, 2010

What I Did Yesterday.

I wish there were pictures I could post from my awesome day yesterday but I was too busy having fun to take my camera out.

Church happened. I felt so happy and inspired.

Mom fixed salads at home and then we went downtown to the mall. I got some important purchases. I love shopping!

Cookout at the Miller's house. We played football and my team won. Oh, and I never found myself out of breath. All of that running is paying off.

I ate too much food.

Today will be a cleanse.

Peace and Love

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Here's the Catch

My body is hurting this morning. I could probably attribute this aching sensation to the morning run I took yesterday but more than likely it was something else. Yesterday evening, after watching an emotional Christian based movie called "To Save A Life" I felt an overwhelming desire to play football (don't ask me why, it just sort of hit me). And because just my mom and I were home, I grabbed my Colts football and we went to the back yard to pass it around.

I never used to see what the pull was to the old American idea of "playing catch." I've always been one of those people who find more joy in games that not only involve a physical toll, but strategy as well. So, when I would watch movies where a father and son were tossing around a ball of some variety, I would roll my eyes and yawn.

Our neighbors, the Carrs, are always out in their front or backyard doing the whole "catch" thing. They have two elementary (or so) age kids and for years they've been grooming them for athletics by tossing a softball back and forth all day (seriously most every day). As a kid who spent most of her spare time watching sailor moon and picking her nose, I never envied them.

Now, don't get me wrong. I've always played sports, several of which I was able to play all through high school. I've fought through softball, soccer, figure skating, basketball, volleyball, swimming, tennis, and even kick boxing. There is a soft place in my heart for athletics, despite my artistic predisposition.

It wasn't until this past fall that I've discovered the sheer joy of throwing a ball back and forth. Last Autumn my fellow ChiOs and I signed up to play competitive flag football. Afraid of intensity of the "A team" and to avoid the bored confusion of the "C team," we happily scribbled our names on the "B team" list.

I don't think any of us really knew what to expect. Bethany Fleming, Aubrey Brown, Ashley Bratcher, Shelby Chambliss, Nicole Thoman, and Whitney Chambers, we all showed up regardless, and did surprisingly well. After the first game we discovered our natural strengths with the sport and took up our respective positions on the line up.

Coached by Jason Bragg, Bethany Fleming took up the role of quarterback, Ashley Bratcher: running back, and I was a wide receiver. Before each game Bethany and I would throw the ball back and forth to practice. I found that I LOVED catching that little football. (I wasn't so good at throwing). Even in the game, I saw that it was a whole lot of "playing catch" Bethany would chuck the ball down the field and miraculously I would get to it and secure it into my hands.

Since then, I've found a new respect for the simple act of just playing catch.

So, I guess what I mean is... um... give catch a chance? It's more fun than it looks.

Peace and Love

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Art You Serious?

This is what I look like right now.

I am going to miss my lazy mornings when I am in Australia. Here's what a normal summer day for me is like: Wake up at 8 am, pee, go downstairs, eat a bagel, make coffee, go to the living room and sip the coffee while I watch Regis and Kelly, oh and blog some. Depending on my motivation I will usually run during the Bonnie Hunt Show.

For some reason I can't make any channels show up on our T.V. so... I put in a movie; The Three Amigos. (Hilarity)

Its movies like this that make me wish I were a comedian. When I was little, I used to wish I were a movie star (just like almost everyone else). I always imagined I'd be cast as some sort of damsel in distress but I think I definitely had it wrong. If my childhood dream came true I'd want to do comedy.

It seems like it is so much easier for guys to be funny. You know what I mean? People just think men are more funny than women, but The two below are proof that women can be funny: Tracy Smith and Natasha Leggero.

But, I'm not going to be a comedian. I'm going to teach art. A lot of times when I give my segway tours I'll ask the tourists where they're from and what they do. frequently they ask me the same thing. "I assume you're a student? What's your major?" I always pause before I answer because I usually hate the reaction I get when I say, "Art."

Why is it that people seem to think every woman should be a nurse and every man should be an engineer? If that were the case, the world would fall apart. I hate telling people that I used to be a graphic design major, because they always seem to want to point out that there's more money in it than there is in painting. Well DUH! You'd think I would have considered this seeing as it's a major part of my life.

Its just another reminder that everyone in the world is entirely too obsessed with money. Its not about how much you earn, its about how you manage it. If you don't make silly purchases and if you're careful about it then you can be secure regardless of your annual income. Sure, I may not live in a mansion and drive a ferrari to the country club... but who cares? I don't think I would be happy if I had that much money anyway. Plus, I'm not going to spend my whole life doing something I hate just because it makes a lot of money; money that will mean nothing when I'm gone.

Give me a one story house. Give me an old jeep, and a space to create. That's when I'll be happy.

"An artist cannot fail; it is a success to be one." ~Charles Horton Cooley

Peace and Love

Sunday, August 1, 2010


In many ways I am the same girl I've always been and I've hated that. I've spent years trying to turn myself into thick-skinned super awesome confident... me. But recently I've discovered that, while in many ways I've changed and grown, in the most essential places I've stayed consistently, "Angela."

I don't want to sound cliché ("woe is me! woe is me! I'm so unlucky, I don't have self confidence.") because I know that physiologically, every human is searching for that "missing piece." In most natural ways, despite what children's books and your third grade teacher told you, we are very much the same. We all grow hungry, thirsty, weary, bitter, sorrowful, ebullient... etc. We all want something and for the most part, we all don't have it.

Today, not only am I aware of what I don't have, but I am also aware of my own personal qualities that make me want it all the more.

I have always known how I felt about boys. While some girls developed affection for them in middle school... I knew I was in love with Nick Sharp (and Ian Haas) in Kindergarten. I distinctly remember having a vicious argument with Britney "something-or-other" about who deserved him and who he wanted. At recess, after many minutes (hours? days?) of heated discussion we decided he should finally have an opinion on the matter. We raced over to where Nick was sitting, playing with rocks, and Britney asked him the following question: "Who do you like better? Me... or her?"

She pointed to me with a smug look of superiority, and I stood there like a solid wood plank. It didn't take long for him to come to a conclusion. "I don't like either of you!" he exclaimed in horror, "Leave me alone!" Then he ran away. (Way to be a man, Nick).

Looking back, it seems like there were a lot of similar situations. In high school, as a lot of people know, I was pretty boy crazy (and definitely a bit selfish). At least, that's what the girls in the youth group at church called me. But, how could I help myself? I've always been passionate. I've always, for some stupid reason unbeknownst to me, felt like I wanted to love and be loved. Why was that so aberrant?

I suppose most people have felt that way, but my problem was and sometimes still is, that I talked about it all the time. I blithely sputtered on about it to all my friends or anyone really. I couldn't contain how I felt about how Aaron's shoe bumped mine on accident... but had it been an accident??!? And I think my whole English class knew the details about my secret plan to get "Fanch" to ask me to prom (which was a fail because I ended up having to ask him).

In response to the negative feedback from those around me who thought I was "boy crazy" and immature... and because all of my ploys collapsed in around me. I hid my feelings, my heart. I thought that wild, driven, longing: Angela was gone; she was a part of my past.

It took a while for the walls to come crumbling down again, and who could have prognosticated that she was still there? I found her recently as I was sifting through the rubble and scree. She's the one, that makes me dwell on things that are over, or can never ever be. She's the part of me that reminds me of how I want to feel, when I don't feel it. I've hated her for it. I've despised her for making me miserably sad, because sometimes she wants things that just aren't possible.

"Remember how you felt when he... wasn't that great?... Oh yeah, that's impossible isn't it?" (I've had this conversation with her many times before).

But recently, (and because I no longer care what the youth group thinks of me) I've considered that maybe she's not so bad because she's also the one that gives me hope. On my worst days when I'm alone before work or in the car thinking about life, she's in my head. "Hang in there Ang, You'll get through it... and you'll be stronger because of it. You'll feel loved again."

And you know what, she's right. She's wild and passionate and often times a bit capricious. She can be very impulsive and she draws a lot of unnecessary attention, but she's me and I'm right; I will feel that way again. I will be loved, and loved well.

Peace and Love (to you)