Indecision.

I am starting to get a little indecisive about my major. Do I really want to be a Graphic Designer? I love drawing and painting so much, that I wish I could focus my studies towards the fine arts.

Surprisingly, I think Dr. Choate's art history class has helped inspire this urge to create. Not only that but I have really and truly made some works this year that I sincerely love! What if all I did was art? I bet I could get great at it in NO time, all I have to do is just that. I worry that I am going to get way into my major and discover that I have no passion or joy for graphic design. Then what will I do?

If it weren't for money and security, I would invest 100% of my time into painting, drawing, mixed media, sculpture, and writing. I wish I knew where my future is going. If I knew I was going to get married, if he were able to support me and a family financially then maybe I could pursue art seriously. And, what if I succeeded!

Arrogant as this may sound, I've seen myself improve in many areas artistically. I feel like I could be truly great at art. I know I have the potential... just not the time or the means. I am constantly drawing, and I am at the point where... I love what I draw! I am confident in my skills, I just want to unleash them... but I feel held back.

I want to be a good wife and mother someday. I want to support a family, but how can that be possible without the security of annual income?

SO torn.

Its ALMOST here!!!

I know I KNOW, I just posted about spring sing yesterday, but I can't get it out of my head. Last night I stayed up late past curfew, going over lines in my head, and speculating about our chances of placing. I want to win so badly... alas... I know it isn't likely. But the desire is still clearly present.

Tonight is Jersey night, where all of the shows wear club jerseys for the performance, and people wearing jerseys get in for free. It is a night of encouragement and the first time each show unveils its finished product. After weeks and weeks of practice... Its time to reap the praise. Tensions are high, everyone is anxious. How is this all going to work together?

Our show in particular has potential for either great success or epic fail. Our "bride and groom" have not practiced the whole duet thing yet with the entire group. Our lines have the tendency of being extremely sloppy. I often forget my lines... Carson, the last time he tried his solo his voice cracked and disappeared all together. People aren't singing loud enough; their faces aren't happy enough. Everyone of the directors are about to have a coronary.




Somehow, this mess of a show is supposed to form some kind of polished production. We're supposed to make it all look easy. To be honest, I have no idea if it will work that way or not. but... we're all done. Finished. There's nothing more we can do to tweak the finished product. All we can do is remind people of certain things... then hope they happen the way we want them to. I feel like I'm about to pee my pants from all of the things running through my mind.

whew. Glad I got that out there. It helps a little.

What happens after spring sing is over........ Wait, is there life after spring sing? I don't know what I'm going to do... read a book maybe. Woah that sounds so archaic compared to the life I've become accustom to over the past three months. Maybe I'll pick up knitting again. I will have so much time! This can't be good.

Spring Sing and Little Else

Hey Blog.

I haven't written in a while. Spring Sing stress has been a little more demanding of my attention.

Okay, random observation: The converse high tops I'm wearing smell quite crappy. Good thing no one else is around.



Anyway...
What's new today? Spring Sing is getting finalized. I really REALLY want Chios and DGR's show (my show), to win.. but I must confess that despite all the hard work all of us directors have put into it.], I fear it isn't good enough. This kind of stinks because it will really feel like a waste of time if it isn't number one. Isn't that bogus? I should not be upset at all without a win. I should be happy that we created a fun show. I guess I'm just a little too competitive.

Here are a few pictures of the work in progress.

Poem Critique

Roses are Red

(Not all the time, and sometimes they have a higher chroma... depending on the intristic value)

Violets are Blue

(I always thought violets were... violet)

Sugar is sweet

(no objections there)

and so are you

(I guess that depends on who you are...)

The Longboard Fantasies

I am not completely bereft of charm. This bolt of self confidence comes from meeting a friendly person of the male persuasion in the sears lobby. He was carrying a longboard and wearing a Thunder Cats Tshirt. (I used to hate the Thunder Cats... mostly because the show came on before Sailor Moon).

Anyway he was nice and seemed like he thought I was attractive. It was nice to get a little bit of attention... BUT what I'm really interested in is the longboard.

At Harding, it seems like everyone is starting to pick up on this trend. I can't say I wouldn't want to join in. Longboards are basically... in my opinion (A mon avis...) longer skateboards.



Now whenever I see the coolios on campus gliding around on their longboards (like that one guy with the afro who everyone thinks looks like Corbin Bleu) I feel like I missed out on a little piece of adolescence. I automatically imagine myself on a board... a certified, funktified hipster with a bohemian swing on a mission to bring peace and smooth jazz to the masses. I look to my right and see the faces of the people passing... "Woah, she's so cool and mysterious... I'm going to write a hit song about her... She's my muse... If only I were a amazing as she..." etc.



I'm not going to lie. I actually have a very good sense of equilibrium and could probably pick up the gangsta sport as fast as anyone else. But... Then reality hits me, I don't have time or money for such things. If I were given a longboard... rock on, I'd use it. But getting one in my possession is not really high up on my priority list.

What is? MAKING IT THROUGH THIS MISERABLE WEEK!!!! AAHAHAHAHAAAA! Seriously... what am I doing on here. I don't have time for this mess.

Atlas Syndrome

I am freaking out. We found out last minute that all the R.A.s have to do all of this annoying paperwork.... I've got so many assignments... I'm working out everyday.... I'm not getting enough sleep, so I keep missing chapel.

This is RIDICULOUS! How is one person supposed to do everything. It makes me not want to be an R.A. anymore. I don't think I'm going to do this again after next year. I think I'm just going to live in a nice dorm and stop worrying about all the rules, its killing me.

To remedy my insanity I am having a cup o' joe.



It's the only joy I have in the day.

I am skipping my bible class right now. I feel bad, but there is absolutely no way I am going to have time to do all that I need to do today unless I don't go to all my classes.

Why am I even wasting time writing this blog! AHGGG I'm an idiot.