Thursday, December 31, 2009


Its about this time of year that I make my annual New Years Resolutions (no surprise there). I also want to address my resolutions from last year. I wrote them all down in my journal.

Last Year's Resolutions
1. Loose at least 20lbs (maybe more): ACCOMPLISHED I lost 20-25lbs this year.



2. Be Cleaner: ACCOMPLISHED I am a much cleanlier person thanks to my grandmother and Nicole Thoman
3. Get serious about God: IN PROCESS, I am much closer to him than I was last year.
4. Get All A's and B's spring semester 2009: ACCOMPLISHED
5. Meet someone who will change my life: ACCOMPLISHED, everyone I meet changes my life.
6. Change someone else's life: I HAVE NO IDEA, maybe I did.
7. Save at least 1,500 bucks for a rafting trip: NOPE, my priorities changed. Now I'm saving up for Australia.
8. Do something amazing with my art: EHH, NO. I just keep chuggin' along though.
9. Sing more and get good at it: ACCOMPLISHED, I do sing more... and I feel like I'm better at it.
10. Stop being selfish, be more of a servant: I DON'T KNOW, I doubt I will ever stop thinking about myself, but I hope I've been more helpful
11. Make a little time for fun: ACCOMPLISHED.
12. Bring someone to Christ: UNSURE
13. Give back to the community in someway: SORT OF ACCOMPLISHED, I've visited some nursing homes, but I could have done better.

I'd say for the most part I did okay on my resolutions. Everyone complains every year about how they never live up to what they wanted for themselves on the new year. Well, why not? What is stopping you from achieving what you want? What is preventing you from doing what you KNOW to be the right thing. Remove that from your life and get it done. I was surprised how much I actually accomplished after I wrote it down and re-examined it a year later, I bet you'd be surprised too.

1. Loose 20 more lbs. I'm headed in the right direction, lets see if I can get to a healthy weight and stay there.
2. Love myself even if I fail at all of my resolutions.
3. Love God.
4. Keep improving my organizational skills.
5. Really try to give back to the community in some way.
6. Improve relationships within my family.
7. Don't be wasteful. Find ways to reuse.
8. Don't be such a downer, find ways to be an encouragement to others.
9. Don't feel like you need a man to make me happy, realize the amazing woman inside of me.
10. Write my novel.
11. Don't take life too seriously, know that someday we all die and get excited for what lies ahead.
12. Don't be so frivolous with money, be more frugal.

I guess we'll see where this leads me.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

The Shoes

I am sick: sneezing, stuffy, scratchy, sore, SICK. Today is the third day of this madness yet, despite the intense "suckiness" of the situation I keep trying to play it down. Yesterday, while constantly wiping my nose I took down the entire Christmas tree, shoved it in the box, and hauled it up to the attic. Today I thought it would be cool to go to the mall. I walked around the hoards of people armed with tissues and cough drops. I thought, perhaps if I pretended I wasn't sick... all of the symptoms would go away. Unfortunately they didn't. They have intensified. Maybe it would have been a good idea to just have stayed in bed.

However, while at the mall I found my DREAM SHOES. The shoes that would transform my normal life into the life people only dream of. I imagined myself sliding these amazing adidas high tops and becoming the envy of the entire art department at Harding University. The shoes would not only improve my social life, they would make me a better artist. Suddenly drawing in perspective would be easier than ever before, and matting... Shoot I could do that in my sleep.

I Snatched the demo shoe off of the shelf and held it closer to my weezing face, examining the stitching and gleam from all different angles. LOVE, was the only thing that came to mind. Who needed a boyfriend (or date for that matter), if the warm laces were wrapped securely around my stubby ankles. It wasn't just me. The shoes had mutual feelings. As I held them in my hands they looked up at me with longing and hope.

And then, I saw the price tag: $99.99. My heart sank as I set them back on the shelf. I haven't felt the same since. I left part of me back with those beautiful shoes. They looked something like the pair below. Except my shoes were purple and blue and silver and amazing.

On another, less dramatic note, today is my dad's 48th birthday! yay. Sometimes he really bugs me, but I sure am happy he exists and I love him much more than any silly pair of shoes.

Monday, December 28, 2009

My Confession

I've not been a very smart blogger. Back in my high school days, I was the "bad kind."

Angela, In high school, was a strange creature. I was desperate for, what every young pubescent girl wanted: "LOVE!!!" I used my blog to document my pursuits of several young men. In the process I embarrassed them and unknowingly, myself. I enjoyed giving the guys code names and talking about how much I wished they would fall in love with me. How foolish. I must have assumed that no one would care enough to read them and if the fellas did, they would see my passion and fall in love with me.

Let's not forget the epic fail of Aaron. Why did I try to force this guy to like me? Why was I fighting nature, when it was obviously telling me, "Angela! Grow up, and leave this poor boy alone."

There was even some stuff on there about Alex... and perhaps every other guy at my school.

I was quite wrong in my assumptions. None of these gentlemen ever fell madly in love with me. Perhaps this is one of the reasons why I've spent such a long time avoiding the creation of another blog. after reading back through my old one and deleting it out of sheer humiliation, I feared a new one would pose the same issue. I would post too much. I would use it immaturely and regret posting some or my feelings that should remain private. But somehow, I talked myself into it.

Now it would be a lie to feel completely okay about posting these photos, and mentioning some of these guys. However, I feel like to start on a clean slate, I have to make this confession. I have to be honest with who I was: an obsessive, over-analytical, desperate, boy crazy, lunatic. But, even as I make this statement and finally accept this about who I was, it won't come as a shock to most people.

These people were there for my whole high school experience. They watched me as I completely destroyed myself with my own words. They knew I was a huge ignorant doofus, and waited patiently for me to figure it out too. One of my good friends told me something, during that time, that really stuck with me. She said, "Angela, You are a walking billboard. You shouldn't write about that stuff." I brushed it off, ignored her comment and other similar ones, thinking that she was making it a bigger deal than it actually was. Well, this is my moment to say... you were right. My bad.

This is also a moment to apologize to all of the young men I embarrassed on my old blog. You know who you are. I was being stupid.

So now, this blog, I've determined, will not be a relapse into my junior year of high school (one of the worst years of my existence). On the contrary. This blog will be a documentation of my growth as a person. It will be about who I am now, who I am becoming, and who I want to be. Its about how I can become a better person than the one I was fifteen minutes ago. It will be written in, and I refuse to make it something I will regret.

Simply, an Angela autobiography. Perhaps this is a conceited sounding idea... oh well. Maybe in three or four years, I'll make another blog, and apologize about this one.

peace and love