Sunday, October 24, 2010

STRESS overload.

Here we go. I'm tired and my head has a slight ache. I've got only about 4,000 words between me and being done with serious homework.

And you know something funny, I thought I would be worry free by now, but I'm not. I'm going to gave to ship some of my stuff home... which is going to cost some money. This is a bummer for sure, but it will be a relief not to have to worry about how much my bag weighs anymore.

Recently, I've started worrying about my life and future and all of that crap again. I've started just looking at potential grad schools, because at this point... thats what I'm going to have to do. I don't hate the idea of it, I just dread spending more money for the uncertainty of my degree. I want to be successful so badly, but I am really afraid of failing. I am worried that I'm not talented enough or driven enough to succeed.

If I want to do well, then I need to be working on being an artist EVERYDAY... not just when the time is right. I need to make it my life and drown myself in it. I need to be developing a strong portfolio now, if I have any hope of getting into any kind of well known grad school. I don't want to go to some po-dunck little ho-hum grad school. I want to learn from people who really know what they're talking about. sigh.

Mom: If you want, while I'm gone you could look up some when I don't have internet.

Anyway, Right now I'm just worried about internet usage. We can't upload photos, or watch videos or anything anymore because it costs a lot of money. Pam has spent 1,200 dollars on internet just in New Zealand. I blew it this morning when I uploaded photos and I feel super guilty about it. So, News Flash: I can't upload anymore. Most of you guys will just have to wait until I get home in early December.

OH, and I worry about money: I know I shouldn't because everything all works out, blah blah blah. But I am going to be UBER broke when I get back. I was wondering if I should try to find seasonal work somewhere when I return from my trip abroad, but I don't even know if anyone would be hiring. sigh.

listen to me all paranoid. I need to take a chill pill.

AH, Also I think I need to take summer classes. I want to take something like ceramics or more painting classes. I need to be doing art all year and that definitely needs NEEDS to encompass the summers.

Okay, I want to talk about my awesome trip to Milford Sound and all of that mumbo jumbo, but I honestly cannot think of anything else right now besides all of these things stressing me out!.

Peace and Love

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