Sunday, February 21, 2010

"Island of Reality in an Ocean of Diarrhea"

This weekend has been intense, in all the wrong ways. I've been trying to front happier demeanor that what is really going on inside, but I think my heart imploded (Time of Death) sometime between 10:30pm and 11:00pm tonight.

I can honestly say, I have no idea what is going on in my mind. I think its been this gradual culmination of several things. One second: I'm fine, happy Angela. Sure... a but stressed and trying to manage 18 hours worth of homework, but I'm treading alright.... Next Second: Frantic delirious Angela drowning under the work load and longing to be at home with her family.

I've cried a lot this weekend. Why? Am I just sad? I know I miss home and my family a lot, but I don't think that's all of it. It's a little much if I cry all through Disney Pixar's "Up." I mean... come on.

What's getting me through these tides of emotional uproar?
1. "Details in the Fabric" Jason Mraz
2. Shelby Chambliss
3. "You Will Make It" Jem
4. Daily phone calls to my mom.
5. Sleep
6. Knowing spring break is drawing nearer.
7. Knowing that I am going to see my crush tomorrow. (wow, how middle school does that sound?)
8. Eggs from the caf.
9. my stash of dark chocolate
10. Dancing during the breaks at spring sing practice.

But here's the most important thing: my life vest. As cliché as it sounds.... God. I've got to believe he's sitting here on my bed next to me. He's got his arm around my shoulder and reassures me that it is going to be okay. He wants to rescue me from this emotional turmoil. I want to hold on to him. I need to always remember his presence dans ma vie. What would I be without him. I would be so alone... like this... all the time.

I can't understand how anyone lives a life rejecting his presence. I feel so sad for them. They don't know what they're missing out on. I mean think about it... How is it possible at all that we... on this earth, in this solar system, in this galaxy, in this infinite space... are here by chance? It was an accident? No. There is no such thing as an accident.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

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