Thursday, November 24, 2011

An Important Message To Viewers Like You:

It is officially Christmas Season… I don’t want anyone giving me crap about listening to Christmas music… PERIOD. Full STOP. I could kind of understand it when it was before Thanksgiving (you humbug purists), but now its Christmas time, and the next time you give me some kind of scary-verbal-right hooks, because you think singing Christmas carols is “obnoxious,” I will just smile at you and sing loud enough to drown out your scrooge-esque attitude. Seriously… you don’t want to provoke me, or I could go heat miser on your patootees.

This is our time. All of us who wait all year long for pine needles, sleigh bells, wrapping paper, Rankin Bass, sparkles, the sticky bandits, and fat Tim Allen… its our time to finally be able to celebrate in peace.

And, by peace… I mean, that while Christmas lights are up, we should be allowed to not only sing our carols but also eat Christmas Tree shaped cookies, wear socks that have miniature jingle bells attached to them, and douse “fresh Pine” tree spray on our bodies as if it were the new “Britney” perfume.

I reseve the right to say things like this:

“ZU ZU’S PETALS!… CLARENCE! CLARENCE!” (Even if it has absolutely nothing to do with the conversation, which will definitely be the case).

“its beginning to look a lot like Christmas.” (even if it is 70 degrees and sunny).

“Vermont! Must be beautiful this time of year… all that snow!” (Even if I have no idea what the forecast is for the state… even if I’ve never been there before).

“you’ll shoot your eye out, kid.” (even if you’re just holding a teddy bear or talking on the phone).

“Put one foot in front of the other!” (even if you don’t have feet).

ALSO! Christmas time is the only time of the year that your SUPER HOT (used to be fat) ex-best friend from high school can try to win you over, and succeed.

Yep! That’s right. Christmas time is now. There is no more debating it. So, I will proudly light my 6ft tree in the dorm (even though I have been since Nov 7th), and I will still enjoy examining nutcrackers and will continue to be impressed by how cool they are. Snow globes: they aren’t safe either. In my opinion… they have been left dormant for far too long. Beware world… I am in my element.

So, there you have it. I am ready for CHRISTMAS… but, is Christmas ready for me?

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