Monday, December 28, 2009

My Confession

I've not been a very smart blogger. Back in my high school days, I was the "bad kind."

Angela, In high school, was a strange creature. I was desperate for, what every young pubescent girl wanted: "LOVE!!!" I used my blog to document my pursuits of several young men. In the process I embarrassed them and unknowingly, myself. I enjoyed giving the guys code names and talking about how much I wished they would fall in love with me. How foolish. I must have assumed that no one would care enough to read them and if the fellas did, they would see my passion and fall in love with me.

Let's not forget the epic fail of Aaron. Why did I try to force this guy to like me? Why was I fighting nature, when it was obviously telling me, "Angela! Grow up, and leave this poor boy alone."

There was even some stuff on there about Alex... and perhaps every other guy at my school.

I was quite wrong in my assumptions. None of these gentlemen ever fell madly in love with me. Perhaps this is one of the reasons why I've spent such a long time avoiding the creation of another blog. after reading back through my old one and deleting it out of sheer humiliation, I feared a new one would pose the same issue. I would post too much. I would use it immaturely and regret posting some or my feelings that should remain private. But somehow, I talked myself into it.

Now it would be a lie to feel completely okay about posting these photos, and mentioning some of these guys. However, I feel like to start on a clean slate, I have to make this confession. I have to be honest with who I was: an obsessive, over-analytical, desperate, boy crazy, lunatic. But, even as I make this statement and finally accept this about who I was, it won't come as a shock to most people.

These people were there for my whole high school experience. They watched me as I completely destroyed myself with my own words. They knew I was a huge ignorant doofus, and waited patiently for me to figure it out too. One of my good friends told me something, during that time, that really stuck with me. She said, "Angela, You are a walking billboard. You shouldn't write about that stuff." I brushed it off, ignored her comment and other similar ones, thinking that she was making it a bigger deal than it actually was. Well, this is my moment to say... you were right. My bad.

This is also a moment to apologize to all of the young men I embarrassed on my old blog. You know who you are. I was being stupid.

So now, this blog, I've determined, will not be a relapse into my junior year of high school (one of the worst years of my existence). On the contrary. This blog will be a documentation of my growth as a person. It will be about who I am now, who I am becoming, and who I want to be. Its about how I can become a better person than the one I was fifteen minutes ago. It will be written in, and I refuse to make it something I will regret.

Simply, an Angela autobiography. Perhaps this is a conceited sounding idea... oh well. Maybe in three or four years, I'll make another blog, and apologize about this one.

peace and love

No comments:

Post a Comment